TRPACER is really a guide, irrespective of what CAP 413 might say, to let you know what information to pass. It is a good starting point and the mil seem to stick by it more than us civvies. With experience from both sides of the fence, I would suggest all we ATCOs need to know is:
WHO you are
WHERE you are
WHAT you want.
Quite how you get that out is up to you. The basic framework of TRPACER is a good start, but I wonder whether the A/G operator you call as you approach is ATZ to overfly is really interested in your flight conditions or your estimate for some place 50 miles on that he's never heard of.
As an instructor, I would suggest your example call does the job perfectly, and as someone said to me the other day: 'If they want any more info, they'll ask!'
With my ATC hat back on, I would comment that there is nothing more annoying when you've got someone barrelling down final waiting for a landing clearance than an overflying pilot giving you his life history while trying to remember what comes after A in TRPACER!
Be clear and concise and you won't go far wrong.
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"Take-off is optional, Landing is mandatory"