New shopping centre opens in west London
From the Retail Gazette: A brand new state-of-the-art shopping centre has opened in west London. Situated at an erstwhile international crossroads, the centre opened its doors – and some of its lifts and escalators – to prospective shoppers in a blaze of publicity. Hundreds of shopkeepers and restaurateurs braced themselves for a massive influx of retail fans eager to experience the architecturally-enhanced designer-laden shopping opportunities that the centre was keen to offer.
The celebrations were cut short, however, by the appearance of a vast flash mob of besuited business travellers and so-called holidaymakers wielding heavily-laden suitcases. Uninterested in availing themselves of architecturally-enhanced shopping experiences, the masses lined-up their baggage trolleys and formed themselves into queues, chanting their mantra: “Check-it-in, check-it-in”.
Faced with such a lack of spending customers, shop staff left their handbag displays and pyramids of faux tins of cheap imitation Scottish shortbread to go in search of them. Their route was barred, however, by a huge backlog of fluorescent jacket-wearing baggage handlers queueing to get through a single security control point.
Shopping Centre manager Mr I.N. Visibleman said “I have no comment, as I'm not here”. Chief Sales Director Mr Y.R. Wewaiting said “I am delighted that so many paying customers have decided to make use of our architecturally-enhanced shopping facility today, and to spend so much time and money with us. It has been such a success that we are considering adding extra benefits for our longest-suffering shoppers, such as beds and planes.”
The shopping centre is thought to be in line for an award – the Hounslow Market Traders Most Innovative Stall Award, together with a special commendation for its see-through canopy and see-through sales figures. Senior management are looking forward to visiting Buckingham Palace Road job centre with their P45s. Normal service is expected to be achieved some time in 2011.