Ahh, but the deep seated sense of impending doom goes even further thanks to a rigorous training scheme introduced at GLA. Whilst trying to perpetrate a nefarious scheme of operating an aircraft from GLA to LGW I was apprehended by a member of the A1 security team whilst going through the passenger check-in channel.
My despicable crime was to be in possession of a
METAL club fork! This threw the said security guard into his in ground ultra security mode where he proceeded to announce to me, and all of my passengers, in a loud voice that I was carrying a BANNED fork. The said inflammatory item had obviously undergone some molecular transformation that made it highly dangerous in comparison to the other 150 forks in the aircraft catering trollies.
Bravely putting my head above the parapet, without the benefit of years of unswerving courage in the face of terrorist threat, I asked why! To my, and the passengers horror, he informed me, in my uniform, with my Airside pass, that I COULD FORCE MY WAY INTO THE COCKPIT WITH IT! My faith in security was restored, how could I have been so stupid not to see such a simple threat before my eyes. The terrorists would have picked up on it straight away! Forced their way through the cockpit door, stolen my fork, closed the door then attacked it from the outside with the fork and with religious zeal! What door could withstand that!
My fork, sadly, had to go
Our security hero did seem a little non plussed and somewhat noncommittal when I asked him, in his professional opinion, whether it was safe to load 5 tonnes of explosive liquid into the wings?
He went to his manager, the flight was delayed
W2P