Congratulations to Security

[jimworcs]

I think it is time a note of appreciation for the hard working security staff at the airports was posted. They are showing a high degree of sophisticated analysis of the security threat, and I think many people underestimate how much they work at it. For example, on Friday 7th March I was travelling from BHX to NCL taking the 8:30 flight. The security authorities had clearly undertaken an analysis and it had been determined that it was vital for aircraft safety that all passengers take off their belts. This was not just a crude blanket rule though, because one of the security staff came along and went straight to the front of the queue, put his stuff in the tray, but apparently the belts worn by security staff pose no threat and it was not necessary for him to take his off. But the subtlety doesn't stop there.. within a week, the authorities had undertaken further work on the risk posed by belts, and when I took exactly the same flight on Friday 14th March, belts were no longer a threat. Clearly, terrorists had stopped using belts for their dastardly plans and the security authorities at BHX had responded quickly. Interestingly, on the return flight from NCL to BHX on the same day however, North East terrorists were still posing a serious belt threat and so naturally, security at NCL were on to it and were demanding that all belts be tested. Where else in the world would this degree of effort be made to ensure that we are kept safe, and the risk assessment be of such a high standard that it can deduce the risk to such minute detail.

Although belts continued to pose a serious threat at NCL, knives appear to be less of threat. Having passed through security at NCL I spend some time in the BA Terraces lounge. Here you can help yourself to a nice knife to butter your bread. You might think that this would pose a threat to the security of the aircraft, because as we know, these are banned. However, after careful and detailed worldwide analysis of the patterns of terrorist behaviour it was determined that terrorists do not travel business class or pay to use the airport lounges and it is therefore safe. Well done!

Meanwhile, on a trip from GLA to LHR, my unused bar of Pears soap was found to be entirely safe. The following day, from LHR to GLA (and after it had been used), it clearly became a volatile compound that posed a significant threat and was removed. Such is the security that it was not possible to disclose to me what the actual threat posed by a used bar of Pears soap was, but it is reassuring to know that they are there protecting me.

Lastly, in another remarkable security development, cars have been banned from drop off at BHX to prevent terrorist incidents such as the one that happened at GLA. The airport security at BHX however have discovered a new way to reduce the threat. Six metres from the old drop off point is a new drop off point. This new drop off point has a new, remarkable deterrent to prevent terrorist incidents. The BHX authorities have imposed a charge of £1 for 20 minutes. This simple new rule apparently deters the terrorists and will prevent them from driving their car bombs into the drop off zone. This is an amazing discovery and really should be introduced worldwide.

I hope that this post will allay the fears of those cynics who fear that security has just become an profit point for companies who supply people who are too stupid/fat to be a policeman, but feel the need to wear a uniform and act important. Far from it, we have a highly sophisticated security service, constantly monitoring the threat from belts, pens and soap and adjusting it accordingly to keep us all safe. Well done.