Driver Training at EKs Silicon Oasis (DSO) & Other Matters.
Some say that its never too soon to start your kids out on driver training, and here's some ideas from the folks at DSO on getting them going.
Quad Bike Ride from Spinneys Car Park to Your Villa
This training session starts in the community centre car park by strapping your 5+ year old kid to their motorised quad-bike and pointing them in the direction of your home. The route's a real challenge, an early hairpin bend followed by skillful (hopefully) negotiation of the busy roundabout. The locals drinking coffee outside Costas get a good view of this section and will nod approvingly as your kid speeds by. The exercise is usually ridden at night and you might want to follow the quad at close range in your large white pick-up truck.
You Want Your Kids to Ride Like Your Gardener?
Well get out on your bicycles and follow the same route as the quad-bike mentioned above, the best bit is after passing the security gate where you should ride side by side in the opposite direction to the traffic flow on the one-way section. Do this at night and needless to say with no lights on the bikes. Don't forget to wave cheerily at the cars coming at you. Alternatively you and your kid can just ride aimlessly around the streets in very loose formation, at night and of course with no lights.
Pre-Teen Boy Getting Under Your Feet?
Then why not get him a noisy chopper motorcycle (a bargain from Dragon Mart) and send him out on errands, preferably after dark. Helmet not required.
But What About the Big Kids? (That's us by the way.
Well you could buy an old Jeep, stick a straight through muffler on it and maybe some big wheels for added tyre noise. Your neighbors will love to hear you work the manual shifter as you make your way through the villas. And how they'll smile when they hear you coming home again later on.
If you're going out and running late why not tailgate the crew-transport Audi on the road leading to the Security Gate, blow your hooter a bit and force your way past even though there's not really room. Best done in a black Pajero with tinted windows.
Like to give the dog a walk when you get in at 2am? Maybe you'll meet a mate on his way to work. Don't miss the opportunity to have a chat in the street, make sure you set the dog off as well, then you can shout at it to Shut Up.
Out for a stroll with the kids and the baby buggy? Well don't bother with the pavements, especially near the security gates. No,walk on the roads and then dodge the cars on the busy roundabout. Think of the time you'll save by avoiding the walkways.
Finally, let your neighbors know when you go out by accelerating noisily when you leave your villa in your 4x4 and do the same at all the junctions until you reach the security gate. Also recommended for scattering those pesky children playing in the street. Nissan Armada and Dodge Durango the weapons of choice here.
EKs DSO,where commonsense, courtesy and consideration don't always apply. With apologies to the many families who are good neighbors.