Reilly, great post - I found myself in a similar position to you late in 2000.
Taking off at night from a wet & wintery Standstead on a Go (the old BA fleet) 737 - engines were going up and down and I was convinced the engines were going to stop.
Prior to this I had flown nigh on every week for the previous two years and always, always enjoyed flying up to that flight.
I was terrified - wanted off the plane, everyone looked spooked, but that was probably in my head.
From then on, every flight was an ordeal, and as I travel virtually constantly (I'm a dreaded management consultant) it was seriously stressing me out on a Friday when I got to thinking about the flight home.
I still fly circa 50-70 flights a year, and only in the last few months have I started enjoying (virtually, but not all) it again.
I'm from an engineering background and an IT professional - I trust computers, I trust engineers and I trust pilots ... but my confidence went.
I then decided to learn as much about flying as I could (knew the basics from a life of computer gains and as a curious youngster anyway), which is why I stumbled upon this place eventually and the wealth of information it provides, including the calm words explaining those routine incidents that happen all the time (birdstrikes, etc)
I then learned the engines going up & down were the 737's autothrottles, and laid that one to rest.
As said, it's a fragility thing and a control thing - if you could see the pilots up front it would be absolutely fine ... it's the feeling of helplessness in the back that does it.
One of my best computer skills is my ability to "put myself in the computer" - works well for massive IT systems when I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with them ... I can visualise it all.
I can now do the same with an aircraft engine - I understand it, thus have got over my silly fear that it's about to stop at any second ...
Still not a big fan of the first 5 minutes in the air, but as soon as the bong for the crew to start service sounds, I immediately relax, and I always enjoy landing anyway (you've got to when you fly into London City on a windy day
)
Oh, I always sit at the window as well ... helps enormously.
Good luck with it all - there are many, many like us ... and there are many, many who eventually get over it. If you get a chance at the end of the flight say hi to the pilots as well and ask them about anything you noted .... works for me and they're happy to explain as they understand the problems we have, in fact a lot of crew (not the pilots) will usually admit it happens to them from time to time as well.
All the best
