One Captain's welcome speech a few years ago. He rounded off his cabin crew introduction with the phrase "...so you'll be well looked after - they're a great bunch of kids!" Made them sound like the Scooby Doo gang.
I'd always wondered what "bridling with indignation" looked like, but the CC in front of us put on a great practical display under their fixed smiles.
Bet I know who had their coffee "augmented" that flight...