"and pretend that the mess staff are actually helpful"
Excellent spot!
I must take issue with that comment.
Sure, in some training messes it's like living in a Travelodge with little to no interest shown by the contractors.
But at my secret Norfolk airbase, you couldn't ask for a nicer and more helpful bunch of gals: from my batty (fnarrr) to the receptionists. Including the service chefs and stewards - but that's usually always a given.
Credit where credit's due eh!