I don't wish to sound patronising, but you have to stop being such a SAD character & get over it!!
I was widowed many years ago (not giving too many details) & left on my own with 2 young children as a result of losing my husband (aircrew). Your attitude is apalling!
Perhaps when you get the BOI you will finally SHUT UP & leave the other families involved & widows in peace to get on with their lives instead of constantly lambasting everybody involved!! I only hope for your sake that you eventually come to terms with what has happened & find peace!