Terror at Manchester Airport
Daily Mail - Friday 7th September
Over 500 terrified passengers, seconds from suffocation, were forced to land at Manchester Airport early this morning after thier Boing holiday jet developed a lethal and unrecoverable fault. With the airport on full alert - fire engines and everything - the pilots grappled with the controls of the stricken aircraft to bring in the rogue jet to a stop on the runway, narrowly missing the approach roads to the airport.
Chardonney Smith, a terrified passenger on the jet, said that they had just started to get stuck into some Vodkas and WKDs on the 05:45am flight when the Captain - his voice quivering in terror - said they must return to Manchester or else they were doomed.
Once safely on the ground hoards of unqualified Eastern European illegal immigrant boffins boarded the stricken plane and, using cellotape and a paperclip, fixed the problem. After a prolonged delay the passengers - now hysterical with fear - boarded the jet and went on their way.
A spokesman for the aircraft operator said that there had been a minor problem with with a computer on board the aircraft, and engineers on the ground had advised the captain to return to base as a precaution.
This journalist has since discovered that computational machines are very unreliable on aircraft and very suceptible to lightening strikes and stray pidgeons. There have been at least 1 other case since 1934 of a Boeing 757 aircraft almost suffocating its helpless passengers because of computational failures.