Pull up a sandbag ~ "I remember when..

[Al R]

I remember when..

• .. an engineering officer proudly showed me his new Outlook e-mail, and telling me that it would 'free him' from his desk and that anytime I wanted a demo about it, he had just done the course and would gladly spend an hour or so showing our section its features and benefits.

In fact, the only e-mail I think I ever sent was when the padre logged on using my computer to read his e-mails, but left it logged on as he hurried over to the Chamber of Anguish and Despair. I took the opportunity to use his account to tell the station that 'I' was selling my wordly possessions at knock down prices and the proceeds would be going to children in Kosovo. Interested parties should contact me after work (do people still use memo pads, or are hard copies no longer sent in internal mail?).

• When no matter how many times you watched it, the Silly Long Rifle weapon safety film always ended the same way.. with that wretched lad bleating ".. but Corp.. Corp, I thought you said 'Ready', not 'Steady' ".
• When a JNCO would HAVE to finish a run infront of his section or be in the sh#t.
• When Steady Eddie parked his black Cavalier saloon in the CO's spot just to see what would happen (nothing).
• When our very tired Section Commander spent ages struggling with a suspect's name only to be told by me that 'alias' needn't be pronounced 'Al-ias' and wasn't in fact, an Arab name. I still have the signal as a souvenir of that momentous day, the day that I realised that Regt JNCO's weren't in fact, gods.
• When I was asked in all seriousness, if I had ironed my laces before coming on parade.
• When I was doubled off to the Guardroom for smirking on parade.
• When LACs had to stand up and offer their seats in the canteen to SACs.
• When, at a handover, an unsmiling Families Officer used an SLR bore brush and flannelette to check a door keyhole for cleanliness..
• When the best part of SROs was at the back, seeing who had been done and for what.
• When 8 man rooms would be partitioned with MFO boxes and be an absolutely fantastic room to live in.
• When a chap had two pairs of Ron Hill Union Jack shorts; Best and Casual.
• When you worried about Health & Safety afterwards.
• When CAS didn't sound like a Harry Enfield character.
• When I first saw a civvie on stn, actually spending 5 minutes arranging her pot plants.
• When things got silly in the Pen Club by throwing knives into the overhead fans.
• When, if travelling in uniform, the train conductor would tell you to get into First Class with a friendly pat on the back and a cheery wink (ok, that never happened to me but you get the idea).
• When every Monday morning would be a proper COs parade.
• When every Friday afternoon would finish with a sqn run.
• When people didn't say 'Ok, sounds good. Can you quickly jot that down in an e-mail and send it to me?'. Ok, thats civvy street, but I bet it happens in uniform too.
• When hearing the thud of a heavy NATOCARS envelope dropping through the letterbox was the best sound in the world.
• When you got posted overseas, not deployed.
• When 20 year SACs were the backbone of the RAF, not automatically promoted 5 year Cpls.
• When you were allowed to all chip in and buy a block washing machine without being accused of 'stealing water'.
• When WRAFs were non combatants.
• When being given an hour off at lunch to get fed and do admin, only to be told that SHQ was closed for lunch and personal admin.
• When we didn't need bloody Mission Statements, Investment in People and the rest of it because we weren't managed by idiots who needed the guidance. I accept that there is possibly more than a hint of rose tinted spectacles about this one.