Brian,
I hope I don't sound as if I'm trying to tell people what to say - I'm trying to get them to think before they say it. At no time is it my intention to belittle the loss and suffering involved - as I say, I have lost friends in recent conflicts and in peacetime flying accidents
My wife was quite badly upset by the religious tone of most of the condolences messages that she received after the death of her mother - as was my father-in-law. Given that (as you say) "individuals deal with death differently", is it right for Christians to smother the message of condolence with Christian imagery or rhetoric when the recipient is NOT a Christian? I would never dream of sending a condolences card featuring a picture of Jesus to a Sikh, Hindu or Muslim.
Quite right that I should pay my respects and move on - this is why this is a separate thread from those condolences threads.
Regards
Moggiee