Is it normal for an instructor to be noticeably 'edgy' when a rational but somewhat incompetent (I am a learner, after all!) student is at the controls?
No, it's not normal.
Should an instructor always appear calm and serene and in control, even when they're not? Is it ok for them just to be 'aware' of traffic rather than obsessing about it and grabbing at the controls when another plane is spotted? It's not as if I'm going to fly us into them!
Yes, he should always appear calm, since he needs to be aware of what errors you might do before they arise.
I understand aviation carries a degree of risk but my chap seems to be in constant fear that I'm going to kill him which I'm beginning to feel is rubbing off on me and stifling my own performance. It's possible of course that something I do as a student could result in our untimely demise but that's what he signed up for, isn't it?
He needs another job, definitly not a flight instructor job for him!!!
Sorry if this sounds like a rant, it's not. I like my instructor, he's a good pilot, a nice guy and his teaching style is good... if perhaps a little 'by the book'. It's just when I'm paying £140/hour + VAT I don't like to feel guilty for making the guy sweat!
We all like the instructors, they are all nice, i flew 10 hours in my previous club, i posted some doubts i had here on the forum, and followed the good advice from people here, i changed from a flight club to a real flight school and oh boy, have things changed!!!
GET ANOTHER INSTRUCTOR NOW!!!