Ok, not exactly a flying story and rather lower deck but….
It’s about 86/87. Yours truly is attached to 3 BAS (as they were then), survival training in Norway on the usual winter deployment. I think we were in six or eight man tent sheets but that’s by the by. We are in Cam whites and some kind Royal troops up to me to inform me that the AAC Brigadier is inbound to visit the troops and as Handy is the duty Pongo would he kindly make himself available to show how steely eyed he is (which is not very!).
No problemo, however before any such meeting can take place Handy gets the urge to go and commit No 2’s. So shovel in hand he goes off for the traditional recce for an appropriate secluded spot.
He finds a decent isolated bit of woodland, with convenient branch, low, thick, one, for the sitting on and procede to pollute Norway. All is good with the world and Norway looks fine with a covering of January’s finest snow
However, the warmth of bodily waste matter melts the snow that waste matter is sitting on. This snow happens to be holding fast a spring-loaded branch of an adjacent fir tree (Norwegian Spruce I think!). So, job done Handy finishes current ablitive manouvre and pulls up (pristine) cam white trousers. As trousers go up, aforementioned waste matter manages to thaw the spring-loaded branch sufficient for it to return to its natural position.
Unfortunately, this involves picking up a sufficient amount of bodily waste and flinging it in a neat arc, which includes the back of Handys cam white trousers.
At this point Brigs Gazellicopter circles the area prior to landing.
Handy thinks bugg£r. He carefully scrapes off as much offending material as he can. Still looks a bit obvious though! Snow washing, that’ll work. Handy rips off cam white trousers and rubs them furiously in the snow, brand new cam white trousers rapidly turn from brilliant white with a streak of brown to yellow! Handy can hear his name being shouted through the trees. Obvious now that Trousers need to be dumped (as if they already haven’t been!). Handy makes a late arrival at the Brigs location with much muttering about being in split rig…….