Flying in Baghdad
Based on the information disseminated by political sources based in a land far, far away, it is a fine job and a truly exquisite, largely underrated, place to live and work.
The local population loves you and throws flowers on your car each time you drive to work.
The rumour of explosions has been greatly exaggerated and these are in fact nightly fireworks that are held to make foreigners and tourists alike welcome.
Occasionally, there are accidents with cars transporting explosives although in most cases the drivers takes great care in making sure they reach their destination intact. Having arrived, they will then trigger an explosion to demolish a building that in their view should have been taken down long ago and thus make space for new developments, but this is all part of the greater Baghdad beautification scheme.
The recommendation to keep the wing tanks full at all times has less to do with the reduced risk of an explosion if a bullet or other projectile penetrates the wing, but is purely because fuel, like all other commodities, are plentiful in this graceful and exciting place.
The place is in fact the best guarded secret in the Middle East and would be even more popular if the cunning expatriates there wouldn't bribe BBC and American TV journalists to make up these shocking stories every night that are only meant to keep newcomers like you out.