Attention All Oz Pilots
Divided We Fall
Dedicated to All Qantas, Jetstar, Virgin Blue, and Aspiring Australian Pilots.
Up north I gave my pound of flesh and stayed alive
But now I’m told it’s a glorified Bus I drive
So how come you need a thousand or two for a ticket
Surely I deserve a fair wicket!
Well I’ve always done my very best
With the heart of a kangaroo beating in my chest
I am proud to wear their tin upon my breast
But my loyalty they are beginning to test!
Brush your teeth and put your tie on straight
Done the hat and don’t be late
Make sure you polish your shoes
Or points with the auditor you’ll lose
Say G’day and be polite
“May I have the decent tonight?”
Yes they say being a second officer
Is a little like being a kind of a tosser
I can take the pole in my hand
But you can guarantee… I’ll never land
“Get out of the seat, you’ve had your fun”
“You’ll get your turn one day son!”
But if you want a promotion, go to Jetstar
Guess it beats sitting in the back by far
If you go you’re in for a treat
The shaftings start when you pay for your seat
You’ll be a Captain in just three years
But you wont be able to afford a round of beers
Now look out you’ve been gazumped!
AWA’s and your quick commands were bumped
You see, all the pilots from afar
Wouldn’t come fly for Jetstar
The FO slots at JQ
Only paid enough to draw but a few
A____ J_____... What a dunce
But Jetstar boys think we’re the $#%@’s
Why do pilots cut each others throat
We’re all going to sink in the same boat
AWA’s for new hires at Qantas so they say
Might as well go back to GA
They asked us for another pay freeze
Cos Qantas was headed for ruff seas
The price of oil was so high
There was no way they could tell a lie
So make sure the fuel order isn’t fat
And treat all your staff like a piece of crap
Management told us we’d been bad boys
The 787 wouldn’t be our new toys
We’re “too inefficient” so they said
And dreams of promotion were put to bed
Just when I thought things couldn’t be grimmer
The Chief Pilot invited us all for dinner
“Trust him!”… What were they thinking
And politely I declined without even blinking
AH! But what’s all this?
Did I just see G___ and M__g Kiss?
Record Profits and APA offers
Management….. Fill your coffers
The APA bid sat on a wall
The APA bid did take a great fall
And all of G____’s forces and all G____’s men
Couldn’t put the deal back together again
The shareholders wanted more loot
And M_______ J_______ got the boot!
So much for the ruff seas… What a farce!
Is that sun I see shining from G____’s #%#@
G_____’s a hero or so the papers say
That fella came out on top at the end of the day
But with all the cost cutting moral is low
And now its time to reap the seed you sow
Customers say they think we’re the worst
But never mind cos Pete says we’re first
The bottom line was all they were thinking
And now all our ratings have gone sinking
So G_____ be nibble G_____ be quick
You’re making our Red Kangaroo Sick
Our customers are telling us they want service
And your decisions are making me nervous
Its time to realise your staff are Qantas
So quit telling us that you don’t want us
From Aerolingus came the leprecorn
And Jetstar crew were used as a pawn
Jetstar crew come aboard and don’t despair
Together we can make sure you’re paid fair
I extend the olive branch to thee
United solidarity is the key
So next time you see A___ coming up from behind
Let him know you’re really not that kind
“Put that back in your shorts thanks!”
“And how about some money for our ranks?”
Come on Shorthaul its time to get up
EBA8…. vote “Nup!”
They tried to make you sign a dud
Bring it down with a resounding thud
Long hauls turn is coming soon
And we should sing a similar tune
“I’ve got your back mate!”
So stand up for all our sake
Senior blokes don’t forget to stick up for us
Now that you’re secure on the retirement bus
Our fore fathers ensured your future when you made a start
And you have reaped the rewards now you’re an old fart
I am proud of our brothers at Virgin Blue
Sticking their EBA offer down the loo
The pilot shortage is bound to strike
So pass this around if you like
For fear of punishment I wont publish my name
But please do consider our plight all the same
Please don’t say “I’m right Jack”
You never know when you’ll get the sack
Now my tirade is all finished and done
So have a think, but don’t lose the fun
Don’t let the bad blood run too deep
For our Careers we must fight together to keep