EK or not, We're all suckers
Why be a sucker for Emirates?
The Dominion Post | Wednesday, 23 May 2007
By JOE BENNETT
A publisher sent me a questionnaire. It was every bit as thrilling as most questionnaires: name your favourite animal, your favourite colour, your star sign, that sort of tosh. But near the end came a question that surprised me. What's your favourite word, it said.
I opened a dictionary at random, jabbed a finger at the page and wrote down the word that it indicated. That word was "sucker". It made me smile.
I don't have favourite words. The best words are the right words, words that, once found, seem inevitable.
I dispatched the questionnaire and took the dog out into the night to hunt possums. Alone on the cold black hills I fell to thinking, as you do, and I wondered if, in fact, I had answered the questionnaire too glibly. A friend once told me that I used the word extraordinary a lot. He was probably right. If you look closely, even the most ordinary things are extraordinary.
The dog found a possum. I heard squealing, then silence. At the same time I realised that I did have a favourite word. Just three letters long, it's the word that has got the human race as far as it's got, which isn't as far as it likes to imagine it's got. It's not a word that my dog is familiar with. The word is why.
One fine afternoon a few centuries ago, Isaac Newton was in the orchard when an apple landed on his head. He had two verbal options. One was ouch and the other was why. Newton said why. And why sent him off down the road to the discovery of gravity and a knighthood.
Why has got us everywhere we've got. Why invented the steam engine, democracy, polystyrene, the computer on which I'm typing this and the theory of relativity.
Why is all you need to anatomise the world. As Michael Bywater has observed, why takes you to the root of things. You have only to persist with it. Take anything and keep asking why till you get to the end. The end is often revealing.
Consider the America's Cup. I find it hard to distinguish competitive yachting from gangrene. Both happen slowly, and neither is fun to watch. Neither has played any part in my life and, with any luck, neither ever will. And yet I am urged on all sides to take an intense interest in one and not in the other. Television, for example, is always plugging the yachting. Why? They want me to watch it. Why? Because they want their ratings to rise. Why? Because then they can charge more for ads. Why? So they can make more money.
The yacht I am supposed to favour is called Emirates Team New Zealand. Why? Because Emirates Airline offered more sponsorship money than anyone else. Why? Because they believed that putting their name on the sail would induce people to buy air tickets. Why? Because they think people are dumb. Why? Because it's always worked in the past. Why? Because, presumably, people are dumb.
Emirates chose to sponsor the New Zealand team rather than any other team. Why? Because Emirates wanted to be associated with New Zealand. Why? Because New Zealand is everything the United Arab Emirates is not. UAE is Middle Eastern and arid; New Zealand is Western and green. Emirates also sponsors cricket umpires. Why? Because they don't want Westerners to see this Arab airline as Arab. Why? Because they want Westerners to fly with them. Why? So they can make more money.
If Emirates Team New Zealand wins the cup, there will be vast celebration. Why? Because we will believe that the victory has nothing to do with Middle Eastern money, and everything to do with being New Zealanders. Why? Because we are tribal. Why? Because we haven't got as far beyond possum hunting as we imagine.
In the event of victory, the Government will host a ceremony for the yachtsmen. Why? Because every government likes to be associated with success. Why? Because they hope the smell of success will prove contagious. Why? So they get re-elected. Why? So they can have power.
A few years ago I heard a historian interviewed on the radio. He was dying of cancer. He had written one last book that summarised what he had learned from a lifetime devoted to the study of human history. The title of this last book was Power and Greed. Those, he said, were the two most potent forces at work in the world. I don't know if the historian took any interest in yachting. I do know that I don't. And yet, despite myself, and despite understanding how influence works, I still want the Kiwis to win. Why? Because, I suppose, I'm a sucker.