To the Right Honourable Mister Brown.
Sir, please accept my deepest thanks for your more than generous pay award of 3.37%. My wife was equally ecstatic at your splendid example of generousity towards the faithful servants of HER MAJESTY's Armed Forces. I can know spend the next 6 months of this year in Afghanistan, being shot at every time I go flying, recovering the maimed and wounded of our Forces' finest and coping with the shortfalls of manpower and equipment, knowing in my heart that you truly appreciate the selfless sacrifice shown by every member of the Royal Navy, Army and Air Force. In fact, only the other day, Mr Taleban, in awe of your power and dedication to the British Armed Forces, promised to try harder to hit the tiny little plate on my body armour! In short Sir your offer has made me realise just how lucky I am. To the point where I have now decided that it would be selfish of me to hog my career and, being a selfless kind of chap, should leave the Service to allow some other young fellow to enjoy the benefits of todays modern Forces. But your efforts should not go unrewarded. No Sir, I think you should recieve what you deserve, namely being dragged through the streets of London by wild horses until your flesh is rended from your bones.
Anyhoo, been nice knowing you all!
Adios!
