Why not try...
...joining the BNP and becoming their poster-boy on all their electoral literature ("Brave British lad joins the national fight against the hordes of darkies flooding into our land"... you know the kind of thing.)
...committing a [B]minor[B] criminal offence: a bit of shoplifting from Aldi's perhaps.
...sneaking into Spitfire block, dodge the PA and curl one off on C-in-C Strike's desk, and hat, and mug, etc.
...leading a Greenpeace charge up the River Clyde and handcuffing yourself to a Trident boat - while dressed in full RAF No. 1 uniform!
...grabbing Harry Staish's wife's @rse at the next BofB dining-in night.
Or a combination of the above.
BTW, didn't that Kiwi quack at ISK serve 5 minutes in gaol before he was let out with a tag on his ankle while the whole thing was very quietly brushed uder the carpet?