After reading the last few posts I couldn't help myself....
A leaked article from an inside source has shown the negotiating skills of the faaaa( flight attendants against all activity) with representatives of the company.
A bug was hidden in the room and here is what was said…..and none of this ever happened…..
Lusly ….Good morning Mick and Sven
Tarantula…Yes Good morning Mick and Sven…good to see you.
Mick Tijapovic….Good morning Lusley ,Sally.
Sven Reedless…Good morning ladies..would you like a muffin…
Lusley ..Ahhh No thanks..you’ve sent enough around already….well let’s start ….let’s look at hours…
Sven….Ok you win we’ll do more…
Sally….but we have not mentioned a figure yet.
Mick…That’s ok we don’t do enough anyway…
Lusley….Ahhh we are thinking about raising productivity and asking for 215 hours per roster..
Sven….NO…NO…we think 220 hours would be fine..I’ve heard cabin crew in Kazakhstan work up to 300 hours..oops….I mean it’s only a rumour ..I heard it on pprune
Mick…Yes it’s a nice round number too..easy to work with and crew will go for that after we’ve scared them at the next meeting.
Lusley…OK ..if you are happy with that let’s move onto pay…
Mick…Oh we get far too much already..how about a 15 % cut..is that enough….wait No that’s not enough for your bonus’s…how about 20%.
Sally …would your members go for that?
Sven….No problem…they believe whatever we tell them….
Lusley….Just on another issue….the other day as I was leaving on a flight there was a new shop in the terminal and it looked like you Mick behind the counter…
Mick….Oh Yes that’s my new idea…Micks Muffins of Mascot…with the new lcc’s people are busting to buy food before they get on..
Lusley…Ok well let’s talk about allowances…
Sven….I could not agree more..
Lusley…I didn’t say anything about them…
Sven…Ohhh OK well what’s your point
Lusley….Well we want to bring them into line with coffee shop prices in Ethiopia…
Mick….Oh that’s fine with us…we eat too much anyway…and I think we can go for a retrospective cut too….
Sven….Yes how about sourcing crew snacks from there as well..
Sally….But we have been for the last 3 years…..
Sven…Ohh we didn’t notice…
Lusley…What are your feelings on hour limitations…
Sven..I can’t even spell it….here try a muffin ..they’re part of our new long life muffins with additives this one is 3 years old…and it still tastes just like any stale 3 week old muffin.
Sally..Well..we are thinking about a dedicated crew for the 380 and the new 787 because after the new owners sell jetstar they can buy their own aircraft…..
Mick..Ok well you can forget crew rest seats because actors in business class get in them and you know what happens then…We also reckon you could make the toilets smaller so that they are only for single occupancy.
Lusley..Well we want crew to work SYD/JFK transit and then operate JFK/SYD and we are prepared to thrown in a free J/C amenities kit.
Sven…OK but only if there is a free Mick’s Muffin on every crew tray
Lusley..We also want to trial a new Y/C service which never stops..Some crew have back packs with Tea and Coffee and others have ones with hot chocolate and marshmallows.The crew will wear the latest roller blades and the meals will be delivered in a similar way to sushi bars with a sort of oval mechanized track.2 crew in the galley will load the meals onto the conveyor belt which then will move past all the pax.
Mick …sounds good to us….
Sally …we also want to convert the overhead crew rest into a lounge for J/C pax who want to spend more time with some of our crew……with bathroom sinks of course….
Lusley…How about overtime..
Sven….Far too generous…..reduce it down to 7 hours…….which is less than s/h
Lusley …OK is there anything else you want to give away…I mean negotiate….
Sven….Well there is the issue of those naughty girls in s/h ..I mean they keep doing our stuff
Mick….Yeah..So we were thinking we want to do overseas destinations like them
Sven…I miss my Gyoza’s…. they’re nearly as good as my muffins….hey Mick that’s an idea Gyoza flavoured Muffins.
Mick…If we get back our Japanese trips we can talk the crew into doing standby’s at the jetbase
Lusley ….Where did you guys do your negotiating training
Sven…Ohh the breakfast cereal uni..I got my diploma from the uni of fruit loops and Mick got his from the uni of Coco Pops
Of course this is all fictional and never happened and any resemblance to any persons or groups living or dead is purely coincidental