A few weeks ago Sven Reedless from the
PR company FAAAAAAAAA (Flight Attendants abdicating any action and ambivalently against all activity) was interviewed on what it was like as a F/A.
For those of you who were away or did not hear the radio interview here is the unedited transcript…
Interviewer: Good Afternoon listeners, today we have as our guest Sven Reedless a F/A and also an elected official of the FAAAAAAAAA
Sven: Ahhh actually I’m a CSM
Interviewer: What exactly is the difference
Sven: We get to read the telegraph while eating a muffin and we wear a different tie….no… but not the latte coloured one. ……Unfortunately.
Interviewer
K then Sven, There have been a lot of reports of problems with your IFE system.
Sven: Ahhh Hang on for a sec are we on Air…
Interviewer: Yes, we have been for about a minute or so now
Sven: Sorry, I was confused with that “ON AIR” sign…I know we are not flying but …ahh anyway, I’ve got my glasses and script ready. Ahhh They can’t see my script can they?
Interviewer: No Sven, this is radio
Sven
K then I’m ready for the questions we talked about earlier.
Interviewer
pressing button on desk) Thank God for the time delay…where was I, ohh Yes about the problems with the IFE.
Sven
h Yeah, well as usual those problems are a complete beat up by some sections of the media.Try one of my muffins…….mum gave me the recipe
Interviwer: Sven, Those reports though are from numerous passengers talking about multiple failures.
Sven: Well, that is a perfect example of media exaggeration there is usually only one failure.
Interviewer: Sven, we have had reports of it failing time and again.
Sven: No, sorry they only fail once although it may fail in a number of areas the seats only fail once.It may look like the seat has failed again but it is the same failure again so in real terms it is the same failure and we have just not fixed it the first time .We can do a number of very tricky things but they are only written up as failing once. Otherwise as you could imagine the paper work would be massive…..here try a muffin…..
Interviewer: What sort of tricky things can you do?
Sven: Ohh it’s very complicated .
Interviewer:How complicated is it?
Sven: We press a button…it’s really annoying when I’m trying to read the paper…….We can also give away free vouchers for a muffin …their very popular...even the gluten free ones
Interviewer: Does that work
Sven: Ahhhh what was the question?
Interviewer:Can you fix these problems with the IFE inflight?
Sven:Have I told you about the float that we are sponsoring in the next Mardi Gra……it’s shaped like a muffin
Interviewer: Getting back to the IFE problems is there a course you do as a CSM or is there any training to fix these IFE breakdowns.
Sven
h Yes there is a very technical course that we do, it lasts for weeks and..
Interviewer: Have you done this course?
Sven: Absolutely, it is a very technical course and it is too technical for even our technical crew. As I said it goes for 2 weeks and they give you a name badge and morning tea and everything.
Interviewer: Did you successfully complete this course?
Sven: Absolutely, our Group General Manager for Invisibility Lusley gave me a certificate and shook my hand, mum was there too and I supplied the muffins and…
Interviewer: The reports tell us of many problems with your IFE and frankly the passengers are not happy.
Sven: This IFE system is state of the art even the manufacturer does not understand it fully and as you might expect there have been some teething problems.
Interviewer: But these teething problems have been going on now for over 18 months
Sven: Ahh Well there are a lot of teeth and have I told you about our Muffin Mornings.
Interviewer: Well, what are you doing about these teething problems?
Sven: We have a team of dedicated orthodontists working on the problem at this very moment.
Interviewer: What have they found?
Sven: Apparently I have an impacted bicuspid or something.Probably from eating too many Muffins,I really have to cut back.
Interviewer: No Sven not with you, I meant with the IFE system.
Sven Ohh sorry, well we think it is the wisdom teeth, there is not enough room and they have to come out.
Interviewer: Does that take long to fix:
Sven: Well, if we removed the wisdom teeth from every passenger that complained about the iFE we would never land.It’s very messy as well.
Interviewer:Sven,For a union rep you seem to be very pro company.
Sven:I’m glad you asked that question.
Interviewer:Ahhh Sven…Well…are you going to answer my question.
Sven:Ahh well The company employs us and we have decided that the best course of action is not to annoy them.That way they might forget about us with all that’s going on and we might slip through the net.The company has it very tough at the moment.The upper management has the huge task of spending their bonus’s and some other things so we sort of just try and hide in the corner.
Interviewer:Is there anything that you would addressed in talks with the company.
Sven:Well,personally I would like to see a muffin on every crew meal tray.
Interviewer:Is that it?
Sven:Yep that’s about it.
Interviewer: Ahh right well, Thanks Sven for giving us an insight into international flying.
Sven: Have you tried one of my Muffins, their great and low fat as well…...
Interviewer: Goodbye
