I just started reading this thread and I have to commend Lyle on his frankness and honesty. Not many people could own up to this type of behavior, take responsibility for it and then use it as a positive experience to mentor others.
I myself am struggling through this addiction and I can't seem to stop from drinking no matter how much I tell myself I need to. I've never had any life changing events that others have had that spurn them into recovery, like getting arrested or something. I have a spotless record, a loving wife and wonderful kids. I have no reason to get bombed nightly and yet I do almost every evening. I'm 32, have been drinking since I was 16 and I see the old alcoholics at the bar and realize I am heading right into their bar stool once they pass away. I'm not 20 anymore, not in college drinking with my buddies before a game or on a Friday evening. Drinking isn't fun anymore. I don't have a beer to take it easy. I drink to get drunk, to feel something more than what I feel when I am sober...which is something I can't exactly put my finger on.
I'd blame being on the road alot, in fact I have used that excuse before to justify drinking alone in a hotel room or at a hotel bar by myself, but I now understand it doesn't matter where I am, who I am with and what I am doing...I constantly crave having a drink and once I get the first one, I need to the second and then the third...etc. I am up to about 12 beers just to catch a buzz and another 6 after that to feel good, happy, relaxed.
I often wonder how things got this bad and who I could blame. Well the answer is no one except myself for being so weak to let this one thing have total control over me. I also worry what kind of example I am setting for my children. Obviously not a good one.
Anyway, once again Lyle thanks for the perspective.