The alternative Blair New World outcome...
Date: 1 April 2008
To: Maj HugeBalls, 45 Cdo RM
Fm: Mr Spineless Wonder, Chief MoD Health and Safety Advisor, Abbey Wood
Dear Maj Hugeballs,
Subject; Use of Apache Helicopter for External Transportation of Personnel
Regarding your recent request of last year to employ an item of Government Furnished Equipment for an alternative primary purpose to that stated at the Cardinal Point Specification document; the Health and Safety Executive have reached the following conclusions;
1. Even with hearing protection, the ambient noise level in the proximity of such personnel would exceed 87DbA for periods of 2 minutes or more.
2. The danger of ocular impairment due to dust and other debris being present while operating under the rotor disc is regarded as being outside the limits of the managed risk metrics.
3. The drop hazard for personnel traveling externally only allows for any such flights to be conducted below 193mm AGL and below 12kph; conditions that can only be met when the Apache is being towed by a ground handling vehicle.
4. Due to the likelihood of live ammunition being in the proximity of personnel, regulations requires that all weapons be “made safe” and a full safety inspection is conducted by range qualified personnel prior to daily operations. This regulation should also be communicated to enemy combatants who are also liable under the Health and Safety at Work Act.
5. The static electricity discharge risk requires that any externally mounted personnel remain grounded via an earthing strip, thus limiting the radius of operations to 23.72 metres from the take off point when using an H&S approved grounding device.
In light of the preceding evidence, the Executive is unable to grant you authority to conduct any external transportation of personnel operations, and you are further reminded that the conduct of such operations renders you liable to prosecution under the terms of the Health and Safety at Work Act.
Please take the time to fill in the attached customer survey by answering the questions with a response from 1-10, where a 10 means “I am delighted at the pro-active response provided by the Health and Safety Executive, they make everything I do a genuine pleasure”, and a 1 means, “I know where you live, I will hunt you down like dogs and visit cruel and unusual punishments on you all”.
Yours sincerely,
Spineless Wonder
Last edited by Two's in; 22nd Jan 2007 at 01:33.