Naturally we're very, very concerned about the new security situation and it all goes to reinforce our decision to move to a nice new camp on East West road where security will be very, very good, just like security on oil company camps. Even though we don't get out of our camp to visit you on Areta very often, doesn't mean that anything gets past us and we've noticed that the blue curtains in the vans don't seem too popular as they're all folded up on the wires. Obviously this is a serious security risk, so we're going to put in all new wires and new double-lined tactical green curtains. This will lead to an immediate and noticeable increase in your personal security until such time as the new camp is finished.
Now we all know that drink and girls are also real bad security risks and we propose some new moves. All girls will be banned from everywhere - yes even K2 and the Chief Pilot will have to conduct their business from a marquee outside the base at NAF. Apologies for the small inconvenience this may cause some, but we're sure you'll all agree that this will make a positive contribution to your personal safety. Tied in with this, we're planning on replacing the Aero bar with a new facility - the Aero Milk Shake and Sodie-pop bar. What better thing to do than get back from a hard day at work and settle back at the bar with a cool icecream soda or buttermilk milkshake (served by a male steward of course). For health's sake we're also banning smoking in the bar, but there will be a smoking area outside the window of what used to be the ladies toilet. Saturday night barbecues are another obvious security hazard, so we're limiting them to staff only and getting rid of the barbecue and kebab stands because of the fire risk. The steaks will be replaced with healthy tofu to help improve your health.
We expect these measures to lead to a big increase in pilots applying for transfers to Port Harcourt as we build it in to a healthy, safe and secure environment.
