Very important recommendations that will serve you well for your career here.
Take one cricket bat, paint it in glue, roll the said bat in sand, the grainier the better. Let it dry. Buy a case of KY gel. No, disregard the KY gel.
Practice with the bat. Get accustomed to it.
Congrats on the new job. Just don’t mess up or you will find yourself at the wrong end of a “Termination Letter” or worse, no upgrade.
If you find yourself in a predicament, fall on your sword or beg for mercy.
One must never forget, Termination is the preferred method of discipline.
Welcome aboard.