"Hi, I'm Tony Blair. I heard that you'd been injured in Iraq/Afghanistan, so I've come to let you know how much we* value your dedication and commitment. Anything I can do for you or your family? Do make sure to let my people know and we'll do whatever it takes!"
* That's me and my lover, gorgeous Georgey B. Oooh, how I love him. "Lick, licky botty - oh please, Georgey-poos, pretty please, do let me and I'll send all my last remaining military people to wherever you want...."