Wingbar there's a great expression: "Owe the bank a thousand quid and you're in trouble. Owe them a million and
they're in trouble!" As
WWW says, what can they do to you? Bankruptcy is not the disaster it used to be, and it can help you get out of the debt hole you're now in. It's not to be taken lightly, but it may offer a way out. Read
this thread for more information.
Secondly, it seems to me you are approaching (if not actually in) a state of clinical depression. You MUST go and see your Doctor if you suspect this is the case. A depressed person is in no state of mind to make coherent decisions about anything much, and an aeroplane is no place to be in that state. You don't want to lose your existing connection with flying, so do your best to nip this in the bud now. If you can do it, try and look at what good things there are in your life. Believe me, being an FI flying most days (even for low pay) is not such a bad thing - plenty would kill for what you have, including a fair number of current airline pilots!
You must stop winding yourself up into an ever-greater sense of desperation and start taking control of your life. There's plenty of good advice both in this and the bankruptcy threads. Take it.
Scroggs