A QF Planning session
Characters:
GGM=Group General Manager.
BM=Base Manger.
CM=Cabin Crew Managers
Scene: Meeting room gathering with all of the above present.( May '06)
GGM: "OK, everyone we have just been told from HR that we are not "best practice". A benchmark organisation ( eg Westpac) has an attrition rate of 11%. Cabin Crew L/H is 1.5%. We need a strategy to get this figure up, plus we need to rid ourselves of the 35-55 demographic of pot belied , balding stewards and pearshaped menopausal hosties. We've hit them with "Crew Connect", a crap EBA, LHR base, Regional flying, LSL direction, expansion of Kiwi Base, Buenaventure, JFK shuttles.......and they still won't leave. Any ideas??
BM: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
CM:ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
GGM: Come on you clowns , your KPI bonus is at risk!
CM#1: Oh, what about VR?
BM: Great idea,why didn't I think of that.OK, CM#1 you draft a expression of interest document. Lets say the number will be , ahhhhhhhhhhh, what about my street number, ie 326!!!!!!!!!!!.
BM: Brilliant idea GGM. OK , eveyone lets get to it.
CM#2: Do you think we need to tell Pattern Planning?
BM: Shut up, we'll worry about that later.
LATER COMES......... there are over 500 expression of interests confirmed.
BM: GGM, well we got our numbers, now what???? We can't let them go, pattern planning tells us there is a crew shortage.
GGM: No worries, lets just turn all the flying over to Regional haul and recruit more C-grade Casuals.
BM: Still not enough?
GGM: Well, we'll boost the CNS base.
BM: Still not enough?
GGM: We'll make the AKL base like the LHR base, ie appoint CSM's and they can do their own thing .
BM: Gee, you're clever GGM, I would love to be able to make decisions like you one day.
MUCH, MUCH LATER.
After more delays the A-380 will be arriving-Nov07.
BM: GGM, we haven't got enough crew, the FAAA will not give us any more dispensations for minimum operating flights, we had to cancel 3 flights last week -due to lack of standby's.........????????
GGM: You idiots, can't you make a decision yourselves. This is our opportunity to bring in AWA's. Lets make a A-380 division........all on contracts. Employ young, nubile, spunky 18 year olds and lets roll them over and churn-em out.
CCM:1 The EBA states that the A-380 is to be crewed by L/H.
BM: The EBA is a thing of the past, its extinct, gone deceased.......get with it CM:1 or GET OUT!
much much much later.
All sitting in a Pizza Hut restaurant......end of finacial year bash
GGM: Thanks everyone for another great year. Our attrition/burn out rate is 16%...........
BM: Whooooooooo Hooooooooooooo
CM: Rah rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
GGM: Now, I only has to Sprites and 3 pieces of Ham & Cheesa pizza.......thats all I'm paying for!!!!!!!!
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