"30 or 40 incoming rounds, eh George?"
"Indeed, Sir. But see here, we've had a communique from headquarters.
"Oh good. What's their solution? Read it, would you?"
"Not sure, Sir. It simply says 'From Gen Sir Anthony Hogmanay Melchett STOP Re:Mortars STOP A sort of hat-like thing is needed STOP Umbrella in post STOP Must go to cockers P STOP Good luck STOP'..."
"See, George, they always know how to cheer us up. By the way - has Baldrick fixed the lavatory yet?"
"'Fraid not, Cap. Some blighter has thieved the chain!"
"No George, that was commandeered by the General last time he had to fly out of here in a Herc. He said it would help to protect his ar$e"
"Yes, seems that's all we're here for. To protect the General's ar$e....."