The latest almost FAAA Annual Newsletter for 2006
FAAA ANNUAL NEWSLETTER FOR 2006
Welcome to the faaa’s annual newsletter for this year. We are sending this out a little earlier because of the news of Australian Airlines but more about that later.
This newsletter is being sent to you from the bunker in the FAAA’s new HQ here in mascot.The FAAA has had the bunker built deep under the HQ so as to withstand any amount of ICANS, phone calls and clause 11’s.I can assure you that Andrew Smedenkoff, Sven Reeder and myself are safe inside this building.Rumours that Darth is building a bunker bomb are just speculation and totally untrue and what really cuts to the quick is that we agreed to the JFK dispensation to show we are flexible. It just goes to show you how ungrateful Darth is and how short his promises are…sorry memory is.
Well, as we know from the other day’s announcement from that lovely couple Darth and Alan ,AO will be a collectors dream after July ,model aircraft and other trinkets in AO’s colours have gone up 500% overnight and some of us have made a lot on Ebay already.The faaa has worked tirelessly with the company to achieve this and I know you are all proud of us.This shows that the faaa’s policy of appeasement and flexibility is working and the company realises that we are on their side…this is another reason we had the bunker built.
Rumour buster #47,892…..The Company is not going to direct crew with more than 16 weeks sick leave to take directed sick leave. This is a cowardly rumour ....The correct figure is 20 weeks sick leave, so if you have more than 20 weeks sick leave accrued you will have sick leave directed to be taken in lots of 14 days….Remember to fill out the forms in triplicate and have your manager sign it and keep the pink…or as I call it magenta copy for your solicitor.
As I have said the faaa’s policy is one of appeasement and it is working, the union has never been so financially solid. We decided to build our new site in Mascot before other crew started to lose jobs and our contributions dropped off.
Another reason the faaa is rolling over is to help you remember fondly the good old days…..especially compared to now .I think nostalgia is a wonderful theme and we can all think back longingly at the past when we had more than 2 nights off after a long trip, before clause 11’s and 6 hour plus meal services, shirts and trousers that had pockets, and more than 10 crew on a 747…oops that is the next rumour, sorry remember stay flexible.
The faaa OH&S committee has decided that crew are not to wear balaclavas and must wear name badges at all times. We realise that receiving a clause 11 is traumatic and crew will do anything to prevent being recognised and nominated for one and that a clause 11 is costly but it does keep our union officials in shape walking to QCC 6 or 7 times a day and we are having hankies with the faaa logo for all crew going into one of the interrogation suites. We in the Darwinian bunker in the faaa believe that clause 11’s are a part of natural selection and therefore if you bend over and play the game with the company like we do and did I mention being flexible then you have nothing to worry about. Just ask all the crew up in FNQ with AO what they think about us and how we looked after their interests.
The Accommodation committee has told us that the new crew hotels in SFO and NRT are fantastic, the Sucked Inn Hotel in SFO with it’s authentic Japanese paper walls and 1960’s air-conditioning units bought from the Illikai hotel in HNL is a huge hit as is the “planes, trains and aeroplanes" Insecure hotel in NRT especially the rooms on platforms 4, 5, and 6.
It’s great to see so many people catching trains to work even more crowded than around the toilets in E Zone after a Hot Chocolate service and just after you have worked all night .The company has also gone to extreme lengths to authentically reproduce the sound of call light chimes with the rail crossing just next to your bed ringing 3 times a minute and as you can imagine this has also been a big help with crew trying to sleep. The railway platform staff have been very helpfull and wave enthusiastically when they recognise you getting out of bed.
Remember you are only entitled to 20 minutes sleep after the first 6 hours in a slip port then 20 minutes every 4 hours after that and that is because the company has your well being at the forefront of their efforts to secure suitable accommodation.Everyday tourists could never find such outstanding examples of accommodation as our company does and continues to in other slip ports.we will let you know in our 2007 newsletter other examples of the company bending over backwards to help us out.
Well, that’s about it for now and remember the faaa is behind you all the way…well behind
MM
My apologies to AO crew for this latest announcement regarding the closure of AO, this parody is not meant to belittle the situation but rather motivate the faaa ….hopefully
LL
Last edited by lowerlobe; 13th Apr 2006 at 16:24.