For every SID there is usually a conflicting STAR or arrival; it's not the 34R departures that get in the way although it is considered; it's the 34L&R arrivals from the North. Cross overs happen and are considered in SOPS.
The route you describe isn't the stuff of a mad ATC; it's the SID from 34L to the East... KLAX, PHNL and NZ deps get it every time they leave from 34L.
Standard OPS is far easier to follow for all concerned than make it up at the time stuff; SOPS should also enhance the safety; 6 mins of fuel is far less costly than an accident.
Sometimes you are the statue, sometimes you are the pigeon...