I hear very little complaints about scheduling.
I think about 50% commute, mostly to western US.
Cost of living is on the high side in HNL, but it is better on the outlying islands. Commuting from within the islands is easy. As far as your wife's share..... well that is up to you to enforce.. or not ..
. I suggest you do your own research on COLA in HNL. Google and Hawaii chamber of commerce is a good resource. Try to view housing and rentals in the hawaii papers to get an idea of what is currently out there.
Current time to upgrade is around 3 to 4 years. (about after your first contract.) However this is subject to change due to the -400 being introduced in the next few years.
Regards