Damn, it's been nice a quiet here without the 76er, but all good things must end.
Still, that is a pretty funny April Fools joke - how long did it take to work out a list of requirements of which you have none yourself. That said, I suspect that only your logbook could have a total of 5500PIC, and 3000PIC on 2 types - good one! You did miss the B747 type rating though.
BTW does Pidgin mean kiwi?