Replace all pilots with Robots.
Program the robots to fly upside-down at least once on every flight.
Replace all flight attendants with vending machines on rails that roll down the aisle, replace all cabin managers with fembots that shoot you if you ask for coffee.
The safety demo will be 'american info-mercial' style predominantly focusing on selling passengers safety equipment and educating them about the many handy 'around the home' uses of seatbelts/life jackets/life rafts/megaphones/oxygen.
Bells installed, so that if a passenger wants to get off half way they can signal the robots who will land immediately in the nearest cane field, school oval, or beach.
Replace all engineers with ONE dog named Rover and a chia-pet.
Employ Magda to run the call centre, and insist she remains in the character of the lazy 'And I said pet I said love I said pet...' woman.
Swap all dash 8 engines with 747 engines.
Put the 74 on coffs harbour runs, and the dash on an all stops london.
Introduce hand rails in the cabin and sell 'standing space' tickets.
Remove lavatories, galleys, carpet, overhead lockers.
Sell off Mascot headquarters, buy a church with a creepy gothic tower instead.
Replace management with flying monkeys.
Convert current simulator centers into theme parks - manned by robots of course!
Replace airport security staff with Fire Breathing dragons - to pass through you need to be 'The Chosen One'. (Same as now i spose, but fire breathing dragons are so much more fun!)
Sell tickets to ride the aerobridge while its positioned - A Platinum ticket gives you the opportunity to drive the aerobridge, a Gold Ticket allows you to ride, and a Silver ticket allows you to watch. Anyone in the departures level without a ticket to watch will be ravaged by flying monkeys and interrogated by the chia-pet.
Hub the airline out of Norfolk Island, Launceston, and Broken Hill.
Paint the planes purple.
Have Kerri Anne Kennerly and Bert Newton mud wrestle naked on advertisments to the tune 'Yes sir, I can boogie'.
Remove wings of 767s and convert them to boats. Sell them to sydney ferries.
No check-in, no baggage service, load your own bag, and buy your ticket from the vending machine on board. Failure to pay, or have exact change activates the 'ejector' function in the seat.
Sell it to Air New Zealand.
RUN, FAST!
Last edited by ozangel; 8th Mar 2006 at 09:25.