After extensive research (aka watching Men Behaving Badly):
1 - helicopters only whine when there's really something wrong
2 - helicopters aren't obsessed with the size of their pitots
3 - helicopters can 'get up' straight away after 'performing'
4 - helicopters don't care how many pairs of shoes you have
5 - helicopters don't get jealous if you look at another helicopter
6 - you'll never hear "but I'll be quick..." from a helicopter
7 - helicopters won't brag to other helicopters about the last time you flew
8 - if you move up to a bigger and better helicopter, your old helicopter won't threaten suicide
9 - helicopters are perfectly happy to miss the <insert sporting event here> to go flying, whenever you want
10 - helicopters don't snore
However:
helicopters, once you've got the hang of them, can be made to do pretty much exactly what you want, most of the time...
so there!
