Many years ago, just as I was learning the ropes to fly (and work) with the police something happened that accelerated that learning profile - especially with dogs:
I was hovering over a football ground one night doing crowd control (in an AS355) when one of the engines decided to surge. Even with backing off power, the surging continued, so I shut the bugger down and stuck the cab into the first available landing site nearby, which was the local hospital landing pad.
We couldn't get an engineer out to check the engine over, so we elected to cadge a lift back to base with one of the police dog vans.
The journey was 40 minutes and we (the crew of 3) sat in the back on the van floor with 4 dogs in cages, stacked up in front of us, barking and howling non stop.
I had my back to the cages while the other 2 officers sat opposite and facing the dogs. The dog immediately behind me went very quiet for some time and kept pacing back and fore in his cage (German Shepherd).
The others were barking and howling non stop giving us all a headache. Occasionally I would wallop the cages with a backward motion of my arm to try to shut them up.
After about 15 minutes in this uncomfortable and cold van, the dog immediately behind me shoved its ar*e right up against the cage face and discharged about a gallon of liquified dog !!!!! out throught the mesh causing it to splatter even more...directly onto the back of my head and back!!!
I could feel it running down my neck. The lads opposite initially stared then burst out into fits of laughter and didn't stop for the rest of the journey. I tried to stop the van but the driver couldn't hear me.
By the time we were 'dropped' off, the diahorrea had caked and I was now walking like a cardboard cutout.
The lads ran to open the base up and turn the shower on - only to find it wasn't working!!!! So I had to drive home and ended up showering in full flying kit plus leather jacket in my home shower at 3am in the morning.
How do you explain that to the family in the morning when they wander into the bathroom at 8am????
Apparently the dog had a 'jippy' tummy and had been cra**ing all day.
They have never let me forget that incident to this day
I love police dogs (not)
