Perhaps the answer is to follow the procedures I believe the army use (and Helpful Stacker feel free to correct me - assuming you and the Helpful Stacker on the "other" rumour service are one and the same you are ex-army after all).
I believe they do not allow officers to drive as, should they dink a vehicle the only ("legal") recourse is a CM whereas a driver (ie soldier) can be (at the moment) charged. As said officer is not driver he is thus not responsible for the cleaning!
Not an ideal soloution granted, but one that means MT do their job and ageing sqn ldr can have a few pints at lunch to recover from the trauma of being strapped in a rubbish skip, in the dark, tipped upside down in a swimming pool and told he has to wait for all the other occupants to vacate the skip before moving.
