How about the pear that I usually get served with my meal? Its always so hard and unlikely to ripen for at least another week - maybe it could be used as a weapon? I can't wait till I'm Captain, they always get the edible fruit, not to mention the Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.
Speaking of security, when I go through the centre at Concorde House where they have a lecturn, they get ever so confused when I ask for "a table for two, non-smoking". It always gets my Captain laughing and we get off to a good start to the day but I am fully aware that behind us as we leave, the security staff are saying, "What t
ers!"