Umm... Well, I lived for several years with an alco so I think I know what I'm talking about. And I've watched 2 terrific people flush themselves down the toilet until the only escape from their agony they could see was death. Later, on the basis of my own experiences I managed to get a third colleague into a Drug Dependency Unit in time - he was one of the lucky ones and is today happy, successful, respected and sober.
A good going alco is effectively insane, as they're completely irrational, have delusions, manipulate-manipulate-manipulate and lie all the time and better than a politician. They''re physically ill, with alcohol poisoning and multiple nutritional deficiencies. They're capable of more-or-less lucid moments, which they mostly use to obtain and hid booze. Alcos can be extraordinarily persuasive when they want and eventually the people around them start to wonder who IS crazy and become unbalanced themselves.
That's where Al-Anon comes in - they explain to you what the disease is all about and why your nearest and dearest is the way they are. At the same time, you learn that it's THEIR disease, not yours; that you're NOT crazy, and how to get on with your own life.
Perhaps, looking back, there are a few shades of gray among the black and white, but not many. Alcos and their affected friends and family need a pretty black and white approach, otherwise they'd get bogged down in arguments about the shade of gray and never get anywhere.
Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon have been described as brainwashing, but as my partner (female) later admitted - "My brain was pretty dirty, guess it needed a wash".
Make no mistake about it, alcoholism is a chronic, progressive and ultimately lethal illness - the gutter, the morgue, jail or an asylum is where it ends.
Fortunately my partner made it through to the other side, though we're not together anymore, but it was terribly tough. The sad thing is that only a small percentage of established alcoholics ever make it into long-term recovery - most don't, and die.
Alcoholics in long-term recovery are amazing people - they've had a near-death experience and survived, but learn and practice their 12 Step program, which keeps 'em sober and humble.
Google for Al-Anon on the web - good way of finding out about a dreadful affliction that is no respecter of persons.