Try for a provisional offer with the comedy club in London, the material you use in your post will make a load of people laugh.
In all seriousness, I don't think airlines will give you a provisional job offer, holding it open for 18months or so, what happens if world economies crash, bird flu swamps the world or another 9/11 happens? Your provisional job offer will then be worthless.
Maybe going on an integrated course at Oxford or Jerez would be the best option as the grads from there are usually signed up by the airlines before the course has finished.
Good luck in what ever course of action you take.
Smith
