Hi workisfun, and welcome to PPrune!
I suspect you may get a more coherent response from our civvie colleagues if you start from the assumption that we are all, in our own different ways, doing our best to fly safely, but that the differences between us sometimes get in the way. Opening with a suggestion of slackness (whether it is true or not) is unlikely to make for co-operative relations.
As a mil pilot who shares airspace and speeds pretty much with the puddle-jumping fraternity, I would also be very interested in a discussion following from the opening question. When is it best to just clear one freq and join the next, and when is a handover useful to reduce workload on the ground? I don't want to ask for the difficult option unless I actually need it.
And I can't ask my local ATCO - our little patch of tarmac for 2 helos doesn't have one!
Sven