NF - In my 4,000 worth of 145 hours I have never aquaplaned in the true sense of the word either...but I never landed on a runway that was contaminated with water (with an unhealthy layer of warm and wet rubber on the runway below...bad combination). ATC normally told me if this was the case and I went somewhere else.
In the sim the emergency brakes may be as you describe but in the a/c 5mm of travel is the difference between zero and full pressure....its impossible to "modulate" even at taxi speeds.
You are having a laugh about the windscreen wipers....they dont make contact with the windscreen for 30% of their travel:-)
ACBUS - I suspect I have more hours than you as been there done the 757/767 thing and am just topping up my pension here. I am certainly not suggesting heavy brake usage just backing up ropey who correctly said that warm 145 carbon brakes wear less...does not require heavy braking to get them warm!
edit to respond to wind up