A few from my days:
While heading into the gate in San Antonio a few years back, the pilot makes his usual -- We've arrived and it's whatever time it was. He then says "The weather outside is 98 degrees with matching humidity. It's kind of like living in a big dog's mouth, and smells like it too."
At BMI the gate attendant (Southwest) announces, "We have to delay the flight while the mechanics change a gauge in the cockpit. What it is I don't know, but they tell me it's pretty important and that you'd want it there. Once the new one is in and is tested we'll begin loading. How they test it on the ground is anybody's guess... They tell me it'll take about an hour, but it is Friday night and they want to go home too. So, I would advise not leaving the immediate area -- this is the last plane out to Cleveland tonight and if you miss it, you're NOT spending the night at my place.
On a recent very short flight from ATL into a small airport in Mississippi -- the FA was a rather large guy, sort of a football linebacker. "Once we're underway, we're supposed to have a beverage service. If you haven't noticed, I'm not one of those Barbi-sized Flight Attendants, so I HIGHLY recommend you keep all feet, shoulders, and anything else you want uninjured out of the aisle.
Air-geko