Ooooooh the queers,
One of these types was using a mechanical contraption one evening in order to get some satisfaction. Unfortunately he could not get it off. Was in great pain and went to SMC for assistance. MO attended, identified the problem and made a telephone call to the guardroom. Call out the duty MT fitter who was needed urgently at the SMC, with his tools to assist the MO.
I know, but that is what happened, no duff!