Years ago (well, not really that many), if (as sqn aircrew) we were paxing out somewhere in one of our own VC10K tankers, we just use to drive over to the jet, unload the kit, park in the nearby car park, then hop in the back.
By the time I banged out, this had turned into a complete feat of ar$e. Drive to the terminal and attempt to find somewhere to park. Lug kit over to terminal, queue up at check-in, get Plod-processed, wait to be called to bus, driven over to a/c. The bag crushers would, of course, rip the handles of your luggage and throw it about in their usual manner.
We also used to bring back the odd FJ mate or other from various parts of the world. Remarkably straightforward as long as the movers weren't involved......
Brought some grunts back from Botswana once. It was abundantly clear that ASI was maxxed out as they'd told us on the way out. Rang Ar$ecoat to suggest that instead of overloading ASI, we did a quick turn, then stopped at Dakar before coming home the next day - thus getting back much earlier than the stupid itinerary they'd planned. Which was to land at ASI, then hang around all day before going back via a 'quick' turnround in the mid-day sun at Dakar the next day.
Request refused - not on grounds of cost but "We can't have all those Army people running around in Dakar". I assured them that a quiet word with the SNCOs in charge of the Army lads would assure that everything would be fine - and the Army needed to be back asap due to a VIP parade they had to prepare for. But no, despite protestations, back via ASI it had to be...
Then ASI said that we'd have to wait until the inbound TriShaw had been processed through, which would have made us even later. "Bolleaux", quoth I, "We'll go before it gets here". ASI protested that they would have to take the pax straight to the a/c and wouldn't have time to process them all. "Listen, you arse, they're the same folk we brought here yesterday" was my riposte. "Only if you take responsibility..." they whined. So a quick word with the senior passenger and all was well - the Army were as good as gold thank to their SNCOs and discipline. But the next day we were about to crank up when some heifer with a red armband appeared to announce that she was unloading one of our ATSy Plods due to the need to put a 'priority passenger' on. "How will he get home, then?", I asked. "He can get the next Herc" she said, and attempted to turn her back. "If that's the best you can do, I will sort it myself. Put him on the northbound Trishaw which comes here in a couple of hours time!" She then tried to say that this would be impossible as it was a Tommy (freighter), not a Timmy (passenger) flight. "Is it DAC?" "Err, no". "Right, I expect you to sort it!"
Listened out on VHF for the southbound Timmy, then spoke to the crew and asked if they'd be seeing their northbound chums. Yes, they said. I told them the story; they assured me that putting the ATSy Plod on the Tommy as supernumerary crew would be no problem at all.
By the time we took off from Dakar, the northbound Tommy had caught us up - it was going flat out and to hell with the fuel burn! Good news, they'd got our Plod on board and he was actually going to be back at Brize before we were!
The moral of the story? Well, when I was in the RAF AT world we would do our damndest to get the pax back as quickly as possible - but were often hampered by the leaden hand of some movements personnel and the incompetence of Ar$ecoat Ops. Real airlines put their sharpest folk on dispatch and flight itinerary 'fire fighting' - not the rejects of the Phone Answering branch!
Other ways I've outfoxed the jobsworths included phoning MT Ops at Wattisham (when it was still RAF) from off the coast of Africa via HF phonepatch to say that we'd landed early at Brize, so could they please send the bus! An un-officer like little white lie - the F4 aircrew had earlier told me that Wattisham weren't planning on sending their bus until we were back at Brize, so they'd all have to hang around for 3-4 hours or so to wait for it! Instead, just as they came through customs their bus arrived outside the terminal!
I love it when a plan comes together!
On the subject of calling out passengers' names, we were once bringing back some Army folk from Hannover. The kit was all on board, but the movers had cocked up the head count as the numbers didn't add up. After an hour of this, the FS ALM decided he'd had enough and was going to check the list personally....
Sound plan - but it was like something out of Zulu when he got to "Jones" as this was some Welsh regiment and about eighty grinning taffies stuck their hands up! So he started "123 Jones?" "Here, Staff!", "456 Jones?" "Here, Staff!"....... I had to retire to the flight deck to avoid hysteria!