Try Ear Planes - patented pressure reducing ear plugs. You can still hear when they're in and they really do work. All her life my wife has suffered with ear problems when flying - I've seen her banging her head on the seat in front with pain. Docs (including my AMEs) suggested all sorts of things - sniffing nasal decongestants at TOD... blowing, sucking, etc., but nothing worked until she tried Ear Planes. Now she only suffers minor discomfort if it's a rapid descent, otherwise no problems at all.
I have no commercial interest in the product (unfortunately)!