SWO addressing "Angry" Frank Moorhen
"Are those your best boots?"
"No, Sir"
"So, why aren't you wearing your BEST boots then?"
'Cos they're brown Sir!"
One day we were marched off to the armoury to be issued with our very own 'Drill Purpose' No 4 SMLE rifles. Aircraft Apprentice Morrison, was standing to one side with his new rifle over his shoulder, holding it by the muzzle end with the butt sticking out at the back. Corporal Bailey screams: "Morrison! Who the fu*% do you think you are!?!? Davy fu*%ing Crockett?" He was just the first of our entry to discover the pain of double marching twice round Maitland parade ground holding the 11 pound Lee Enfield at arms length above one's head.
In my own favourite encounter at Halton in 1963, we were standing at ease in that interminable wait for the Parade Commander to turn up and take over from the DIs. The officers had already been marched on. To ease the tension we were taught to wiggle our toes in our boots without visible movement. Being an individualist, I was waggling my ears. From behind our flight, Sgt "Dino" Stoneman whispered - in the 80 decibel manner of a long service Drill Instructor - the immortal line:
"Blacksheep - stop waggling your bloody ears!!!"
The entire parade dissolved in hysterics.