Dick
you describe your self well....good luck on the hunt to ending your sleepless nights pondering these pressing questions.
either you never read this forum or your experience in aviation amounts to thousands of hours playing with your joystick living a life of fantasy flying flight sim 2002 wondering what its really like to be a pilot.
if you are only making 50k and........ I suspect thats probably thai bhart ...........then you are still sweeping the hangar floor in some very sad third world country.
good luck enormousdick you need it
Morph