Many moons ago, when I flew in the RN, walking out onto a pitching, rolling, heaving flight deck at night under "tactical night lighting" procedures i.e. next to none, always made my heart stick in my throat....Once airbourne, everything was fine again, it was the unknown that made me uneasy. Most of the guys in the squadron felt the same way and talking over a few beers sure helped reduce the feeling of "am I alone". Talk to the guys you work with it will help for sure and again, I admire your honesty.