Duct tape, WD40, a quart of oil, plug spanner, spare plug, a set of fuses (if your conveyance uses them), a set of spare bulbs (especially the green one for the undercarriage!), and a proper Leatherman (not one of the cheapo copies on sale in High Street ironmongers).
If you can't fix it with that, you need a "real" man to do it.